The Serial Monogamist

We create all sorts of labels for people. The most popular one’s for 2011 were: sidechick and yellow bones. A term I heard a little while ago was “boyfriend-girl”. A term used to describe the kind of girl who is always someone’s girlfriend. She is hardly ever single and when she is, its for about 2 months while she’s getting to know the new candidate.

The term “serial monogamist” is what boyfriend-girl is more commonly known as. Based on the friendships I have had currently and in the past, I have found that there are different types of serial monogamists as well as various reasons that one would become one, usually without realising it.

Type 1 serial monogamists go from one short term relationship to the next. These people are generally afraid of commitment however, they like the perks of relationships and enter into them with great ease. When things get too heavy, they walk away and find the next relationship.

Type 2 serial monogamists go from one long term relationship to the next. These people love to be in relationships and are looking for the “real thing”. When one relationship fails and it turns out the person they were with is not “the one”, they find a new “the one” to build their lives around.

Type 3 serial monogamists go from long relationships with breaks in between however, they keep a close male friend who provides the emotional benefit of a boyfriend, but will never be “upgraded” to the status of boyfriend because he has been friend-zoned and also because they are still wounded from their previous relationship. This girl, is the one who is least likely to realise she is a boyfriend-girl because to her, she takes time out between relationship to heal and “find herself”. I hate to break it to you lady but that poor guy you talk to till the early hours of the mornings might as well be your boyfriend. He just doesn’t get the label and physical attributes of a relationship.

All three types have the same problem. A fear of being alone, and a sense of dependence on a man to provide physical and emotional comfort. The biggest problem with being a boyfriend-girl is your inability to learn from the mistakes made in your previous relationships. You haven’t had time to breathe, re-assess and re-align yourself.

It seems so cliche to say “take the time out to know who you are and what you will stand for in a relationship before you move on”, but it is so important. If you don’t you will find yourself dealing with the same old nonsense masked as something else.

I once watched an episode of How I met your mother, where they were talking about the baggage people drag along with them into relationships. Every time someone mentioned their emotional baggage, a huge metal trunk with the label on it would appear. Imagine every person had to carry their emotional baggage around (as in the picture above), if you have been moving from one relationship to them next without resolving whatever issues you have, there will come a point where you are stuck in your house because there is just no way you can carry all your baggage. Your husband will meet another girl outside your gate while you are stuck inside.
Either that or he will walk straight past you because he obviously can’t see you behind all that stuff.

The fact is, no one wants to deal with the mistakes made by whoever came before them so sort yourself out by yourself, with your friends but don’t jump from guy to guy because of fear. In the end you are limiting yourself.

Because of your constant need to please, or to be needed by someone, you will end up being who you are based on who another is.



3 thoughts on “The Serial Monogamist

  1. What an insightful article…wow! So many women are ‘serial monogamist’ n dnt even knw it. I think ‘type 3’ is quite common amongst us ladies,quite the sneaky one. Thanks for this eye opening article 🙂


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