is “The Girl Code” obsolete?

In my early years as a girl, I was aware of the virtual existence of “The Girl Code.”  The Law was clear “No girl may date her friend’s ex, under any circumstance.”  Un unwritten rule that we all followed and never dared to question.  As I grew up however, the line’s seemed to blur.  It seemed to me that the definition of a friend changed somewhat when a guy was involved.  Someone who you regarded as a mere acquintance would start spreading rumours about you because you dated her ex boyfriend and the two of you were best friends.  I failed to understand just what the rules were when it came to this so-called “Girl Code.” In my high school years it was much of the same thing but more rules were added to the Unwritten Law.  “Should a girl feel like she is falling for her friend’s ex, then she is to consult her friend before deciding to date the guy.” Many a consultation occurred, however it seemed that these consultations were more confrontational than anything else. 

The more I’ve grown the more I have questioned whether the “Girl Code” is relevant to all circumstances in life.  I mean for Pete’s sake, as if there isn’t a shortage of men already, can we really afford to have some of them walking around with “WARNING: I have dated your friend” signs on their foreheads unnecessarily?

After opening up a discussion on twitter and facebook it seems that most people regard the “Girl Code” as having existed once upon a time, but something that very few girls uphold. Some people felt that it should be upheld and that the intensity of the relationship with the guy was a factor in determining how it would affect the friendship between girls. My question in that regard is, if you are claiming to be over the guy and the relationship, then why can’t your friend attempt to find happiness with that person?

I’ve found that the circumstances that lead to the end of a relationship also count when a friend considers moving in on that territory. For example, if I was in a relationship with someone and it ended in a huge fallout then I probably never want to see that person again and if my friend wants to date him, then he is going to be a part of my life inevitably.

On twitter and on facebook when the question of whether or not the girl code is relevant to women over the age of 18 was posed, the responses ranged from: “yes the girl code should be upheld and is important” to “well isn’t everyone someone’s ex-somebody anyway?” Which led me to probe into what men do in these situations.

The BRO code, is based on mutual respect. If a bro is into another bro’s ex, then the bro must approach the other bro, talk it out and reach an agreement. The “homies over hoes” philosophy applies, in other words, the friendship will always stand above the relationship that existed with the girl. One friend on twitter said: “hooking up with a homies ex is generally frowned upon. Its a bitch move, but chances are we’ll hate the chick more”

And that is why men will forever be WINNING and women will stay LOSING. I do not think we don’t value our friendships as much as men do. We fail put our ego’s aside for the sake of friendship when a male is involved. Which I find crazy because we tend to accuse men of having impenetrable egos. Women will fight over a man and friendships will even end.

“The problem is how we apply girl code. Girl code shouldn’t be a law. It’s a guideline that falls apart when there’s dishonesty.”

Ladies, if you are falling for your friends ex, don’t lie about it. Speak to her about it and let the decision on how you move forward be based on that. If your friend has a crush on someone who you know you have a thing for, don’t play her for a fool and allow her to fantasize about the idea of him and her when you know for a fact he’s interested in you. Honesty is difficult sometimes because we do not want to hurt our friends, but the truth is all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.

We are grown ups. It’s time we behave as such and not like 16 year olds. Trust in your friendship enough to know that honesty will not harm it and neither will a man. If we establish that truth, then the Girl Code will be upheld and have relevance. We need to find a copy of that BRO code book, and rip a page out of it.



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