Holding yourself hostage

A few weeks ago I watched a play called “A Woman Alone” a one woman peice shown at the Rhodes University drama department’s Young directors week. Humour was used to express one of the most painful stories I have seen in a while. A woman trapped in a loveless marriage, forced to take care of her husbands brother who felt entitled to touch her inappropriately whenever he felt like it and taking care of two children she wanted to love but resented because their father was a symbol of failed love. She laughed through it as she she narrated her life to the audience but her eyes reflected the pain and frustration she lived through each day.

After the play I was stuck on the events thereof. Each scene, each sound, each emotion she portrayed was replayed in my mind and all I could think about was how much I would hate to be locked inside my house by my possessive and insecure husband. After much thought however, I realized that this wasn’t all there was to the play. Although in the play the woman was held hostage by her husband, sometimes we are held hostage by our minds and the emotions that we suppress. The woman in the play knew that her husbands presence was not healthy for her and his toxic nature was affecting and infiltrating every single aspect of her life. She laughed, and pretended to be okay but underneath all that was a woman crying out for help and a chance to escape the life she now felt she was forced to live.

There are times in your life when you know very well that the state your heart is in and the emotions you have suppressed are toxic and unhealthy for you. You ae so afraid of bringing those feelings up and trying to let them go because they are familiar and somehow you have found comfort in knowing that they are there. You are so afraid of what will happen if you confront them because laughing it away is just so much easier.

In the play, the woman’s husband called her about three times in an hour to find out what she ws doing. Her brother-in-law who had been in an accident that resulted in him being unable to speak used a whistle to get her attention and to add to that her 1 year old baby cried to get her to notice him. As if that weren’t enough she had a creepy neighbour who watched her and whistled at her through his window while helping himself sexually. At some point all of these noises went off at the same time and you can imagine the commotion that caused. She had her shotgun and she thought of shooting herself.

When the emotions you are carrying become too heavy and make an unbearable noise in your ear you are likely to self-destruct. I hate confrontation and i have discovered that confronting myself is something that I find very difficult to do as well. Fighting against your own pride and getting over yourself is an incredible challenge that you will face more than once in your life and it gets harder everytime because the older we get the worse our issues get, that’s just life. But nothing is impossible to overcome and once you learn how to deal with yourself it will get easier each time.

At the end of the play the woman sat down on the dining room chair and aimed the shotgun at the door waiting for her husband to come home. She realized that hurting herself would just be a short term solution to a permanent problem. She realized she needed to get rid of him in order to move forward. Don’t go around killing everyone you have a probem with now that is not the point. Face your fear, head on. Get rid of it and move forward with your life.

I feel like I say this in all my posts but there is nothing wrong with repeating a valuable lesson: It is not going to be easy, it is not going to be instant but fight yourself and overcome your emotions. Do not allow your pain to control you because you deserve more. You deserve the freedom of joy, a feeling of elation that you simply cannot explain. A feeling that is not just fleeting happiness but everlasting.

Shoot and kill that stupid thing that is holding you hostage, it’s hindering you from living your life.


P.S. I know that this one is honestly easier said than done but it’s a journey. Even if you release yourself 140 characters at a time, that’s something.


One thought on “Holding yourself hostage

  1. Hey im Viky and this post absolutly touched me. As females we often go through thing of this nature in our lives. Im on my journey of self discovery and chasing my dreams. Its a struggle each and everyday breaking olld habbits and not letting old scares control our mind , body and souls. I am freeing myself from myself and its never felt so refreshing!


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