I used to be that girl who told all her friends about every and any guy who came into my life (obviously this is about guys I was interested in). I would tell my girls about every little conversation we had and every sweet thing he said and every action he made.
My friends, with the best intentions of course, proceeded to interpret our communication. They would explain every action and decipher the code in every text message.
Every time the conclusion was along the lines of: “Aaaah chomi! He really likes you hey. Definitely! He wouldn’t talk to you everyday and spend time with you if he didn’t.”
The lies girls tell.
Your girlfriends cannot interpret a man’s intentions. Ever. They will try because they love you and want you to be happy but they will soften the truth for that very reason too.
I don’t tell my friends every little thing anymore. Not because I don’t love them or trust them but I’ve come to know that the only person who can tell you about a man’s intentions is the man in question.
Another fallacy that exists is if your girlfriends don’t know the answers then your guy friends do. Your guy friends can tell you about the “reasonable man” (as used in legal systems) but there are always outliers to this. So no, guy friends are not the cure to the “girl lies syndrome”.
I used to lie to my friends. In my mind I wasn’t lying. I was telling my friend what the guy was clearly having a hard time expressing. When the guy showed no sign of incapability with expressing himself where other girls were concerned was obvious that he was either “intimidated” by my friend or he was fickle. I thought I was helping but all I was doing was setting my friends up for unnecessary heartbreak.
It’s true that some women start to draw pretty pictures about a guy before he has had the chance to state his intentions. Before he’s removed the shackles of the friend-zone (yes, men friend-zone us too). We predetermine the course of the relationship and sometimes even reach the alter before the first kiss.
It is this kind of idealistic thinking that we perpetuate when we lie to our friends and we need to stop. It’s unhealthy.
If you want to know something from someone, ask them. It’s difficult, it is, but it saves you the trouble of drawing the wrong conclusions based on facts and scenarios presented to you by third parties. The reason we are so quick to ask everyone for advice is our fear of hearing the truth.
Children are amazing because nothing holds them back. They simply ask questions, interrogate the answers and move on once they’re satisfied.
We on the other hand have loads of baggage we carry around with us that stops us from simply satisfying our inquisitions and moving right along.
It’s easier to ask your psychologist if your husband still loves you based on a couple of facts and scenarios you’ve presented her with, than to sit your husband down and ask him. But who knows the answer? Your husband.
Our friends lie to us to protect us from harsh realities. They tell us what we want to hear because the rest of the world is cruel. They lie because they care but truth is they are doing us a disservice.
Learn to be frank with your friends. Stop selling them dreams they simply cannot afford.
And on the other side of the coin, ask and it shall be answered. If the answer is a lie, well then that’s a different post altogether.